I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
