As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
