yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
