dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
