Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
