My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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