god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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