His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
