hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My underwear smells like fireworks.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
