The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
