he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
it glows. i had to have it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
