Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
