You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
