its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
