Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We need a shit load of segways right now
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
