Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
