i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
