You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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