Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
