Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
