I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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