he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
