You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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