Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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