I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
