there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
