I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
