i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
True strength comes from lack of pants
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
