i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
