FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
