I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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