maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
did i walk over a car last night?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
