Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
