dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
