You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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