omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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