i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
