you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
