Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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