Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
