So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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