In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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