i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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