I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
