he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I touched a dick in church today
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
