i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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