the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
