How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Randomize
