You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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