I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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