You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
