She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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