Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
