i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I did not marry a roomba.
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