First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You took a bar mat shot.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
