Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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