final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
